So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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