This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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