What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize