I accidentally had phone sex last night
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
