carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
