dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
