what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
