forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
