I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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