Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just cropdusted the office
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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