I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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