a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
