My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
