don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
