I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
