dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
