Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
