hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
