Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize