Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize