My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
