it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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