It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
