There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
