farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
