went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
