I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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