i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
