??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
