yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize