Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
