My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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