He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
