he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
