found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This is the high leading the old right now
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
