This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
