Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
