I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
