I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
