I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
