I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize