I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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