Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
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