i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
