its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
