So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
