I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
