We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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