Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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