I wish I could punch you in the face.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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