you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
