it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize