Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
