saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
