i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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