yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
