So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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