I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
