I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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