Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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