Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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