You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
