We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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