just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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