Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
