winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
