yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
