john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
