i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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