There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
