oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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