you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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