Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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