FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
