Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
