I skipped work to stalk him.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
