Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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