who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
