I hate all girls vehemently.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize