yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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