he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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