so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im six kinds of drunk right now
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
