does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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