We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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