You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
