he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
