So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
BRING THE BAGELS
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize