we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
ok first of all what the fuck
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
