My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Bring me that man meat
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dear god my vagina.
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