I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
