well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
