i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
