Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Randomize
