Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
