How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
