mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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