WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
