We're like a lot better than the average bears
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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