I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
