he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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