I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
